through seemingly impossible circumstances...

I feel hopeful, yet still somewhat hopeless.

I feel as though I am continuing to spiral downward, and it scares me. Yesterday I told my therapist of my current struggles, and we set some goals.

My most important goal is this: To move out on my own.

This is SO incredibly important to me. When I was at Mercy, my counselor told me I needed to be out of my parents' house, that it was an unhealthy environment for me, one of enabling and coddling. However when I graduated, I returned home and ended up staying there.

Now, almost 4 years after graduating, I am still living at home, and have fallen back into my old behavior patterns.

I SINCERELY BELIEVE that, had I moved out upon graduation, I would still be walking in freedom today, and I would probably have my bachelor's degree by now and be getting ready to start a career. Instead, my parents have told me that I "can't handle working too much or going back to school just yet," so I've been unable to be independent.

Before Mercy my psychiatrist placed me on permanent disability, stating that it was unlikely that I would ever be able to function independently or hold a job. This has been more of a hindrance than a help!

I do currently work, but I am limited to a certain number of hours per week and a certain amount of money earned per month--PLUS, I'm struggling to get out of the debt from my "pre-Mercy" life. I can't go back to school, as I have no money to fund classes!

I FEEL I AM IN A CATCH 22!!!

This is a huge reason I feel being at home is unhealthy for me, yet I am unable to get out!!

I really desire and am planning to return to school this fall, God willing and and with His provision! I am determined to finish the Associates' I started almost 10 years ago!

Lord Jesus,
Please help me to trust you in this uncertain situation I am in. I do not know what to do!! But You do! Help me to have faith and trust in Your divine plan for me, because I'm struggling with alot of doubt and frustration right now. Please give me discernment and help me to make wise and healthy choices, and to remember that You are my true source!