So, I've been thinking about this all day, and we say over and over things like, "God, I surrender all to you." But what does that look like?
It certainly doesn't mean throwing my hands up and saying, "Okay, I'm not doing anything anymore, it's all up to God!"....Athough that's what it would sound like....
I think it means not trying so hard to make things happen in my time, the way I want them to, but instead living responsibly and in a godly manner, and letting God know through prayer what my needs are (and wants, too). Not only that, but trusting that He knows my heartfelt desires and will carry them out (when the time is right)...
I think it is spending time with Him through the Word and in prayer, and not allowing myself to become so busy that I don't have time to do so.
I think it is doing what seems the most right in every situation, despite consequences, and trusting that things will turn out okay...even if they don't.
I think it is not doing what I want, but finding out what God wants and doing that.
I think it is allowing/giving God a chance to fill those places that I have tried to fill with the things of this world....food, bingeing and purging, self-harm, pride, drugs, lust, pornography, money, success, possessions, etc...
I think it is admitting to God that I have tried to fill myself with these things instead of Him.
Sometimes I get so impatient with God, because this or that isn't happening, or I can't see any tangible results of my walk with Him. Sometimes I want to be on the mountain all the time (like the "just-been-on-a-retreat/conference-and-I'm-so-pumped-up-for-God" feeling), and when I start going through the valleys I just lose all hope and want to give up. But life isn't a mountaintop experience.
Heavenly Father,
I have tried to fill my life with so many things to make me feel good. But none of them has worked. Doing things my way and in my own strength has only made me miserable and frustrated. I want to surrender my life, myself, to You. I ask that You fill me up so full of You that there is no room for the other things, not the other way around.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
i used to hate valleys. but i learned that they're a part of the walk. God is there just as much in the valleys as much as He is on the mountain tops. i think we just tens to feel Him more on the mountain top. i know i need to learn to rely on Him more in my valleys. that's when i usually rely more on myself. but now that i'm living a new life, i'm not giving myself the option to turn to the old ways of coping. it's just me and God. not me and food, porn, lust, selling my body, etc. it's going to take some getting used to, but we BOTH can do this. i have faith in you!! i'm praying for you! and i love you, girl!
ReplyDelete